Why eyebrows and show laces are disappearing

Steve Royle
Steve Royle

Columnist Steve Royle muses about growing old and why he is missing bows on shoelaces.

I’ve grown more aware recently that two things are disappearing from society; eyebrows and shoe laces.

More and more women seem to think that what nature has given them is just not right. They are shaving eyebrows off and drawing them back in where they think they look better.

It’s hard to tell if a lady is genuinely surprised any more. They seem to think that the natural shape is wrong, too, preferring a kind of squared off version.

I’m trying not to be sexist here, but you won’t find men shaving off their moustaches and painting them back on across the bridge of their nose or a cheek. Men are mysterious creatures, too, though, especially the young ones.

Whatever happened to bows on shoe laces? I spend hours staring at trainers and shoes these days trying to work out where the laces have gone. They are somehow tying them inside out. It baffles me that young people seem to detest the sight of shoelace bows but don’t mind showing the world their underpants. You don’t see young men running anymore because it is physically impossible with their trousers half way down their legs. If things continue like this we will eventually have

Olympic events like the 200m shuffle.

These are all just reminders that I am growing old. I cannot connect with the younger generation and, in many ways, I feel sorry for them.

I miss missing things, too. Modern technology means that TV programmes are “on demand” via web sites like BBC iPlayer and ITV Hub. As a result, we’ve lost a vital part of our social interaction; asking a friend what happened in last week’s episode.

When young people gather together these days they usually talk more to people who aren’t there than those who are. Keen to show their absent friends what they are missing whilst missing it themselves because they are so tied up with their devices. Social media should really be called “anti-Social Media”.

Us middle aged folk are just as stupid, though. We say the craziest things. Whenever you hear someone say “it’s the best thing we ever did” they rarely truly mean it, surely. For example, the

other day a friend of mine said: “We just changed our energy suppliers. Best thing we ever did”. Really? He’s older than me. Is that really the true pinnacle of his almost 60 years on this planet? He’s been on holidays to America, India and the Far East, but all those trips fade into insignificance when compared to switching his energy provider?

Anyway, best thing I ever did was (and still is) Pantomime. Rehearsals have begun and I’m very excited as always to be back at The Grand Theatre Blackpool.

This will be my 16th year performing Pantomime in that beautiful building and it’s the first time I’ve ever done Beauty and the Beast. No, I’m not the Beast (or Beauty) I’m Louis Le Plonk, son of Dame Polly Le Plonk. The Beast is the wonderfully talented EastEnders and Benidorm actor Danny Walters and my radio co-host Hayley Kay is the Fairy. Hope to see you some time over the Christmas period and no doubt my next article will tell you more backstage and on stage gossip.

Until then, enjoy the festive period, don’t worry and “keep your hair on” especially the bits just above your eyes.