Who’s The Daddy? column

Lancaster Race for Life Warm up.
Lancaster Race for Life Warm up.

Hell hath no fury like a teenage girl mildly inconvenienced.

And when a 14-year-old young lady’s evening of a Breaking Bad marathon on Netflix is interrupted by the internet going off and on again when it feels like it, if Walt and Jesse think the crystal meth business is harrowing then they should try listening to daughter #1 smashing her own tantrum record.

Our broadband is so slow and unreliable that it buffers my dreams. When our kids are spending supposedly quality family time with us with their eyes glued to their hand held devices, there’s a physical reaction whenever the internet starts playing up.

First there’s a twitch, then a groan, then a growl from the back of their throats and then come the accusatory stares swiftly followed by the actual accusations.

“Can’t you get internet that isn’t rubbish?”, “I’m sick of the internet not working properly, can’t you sort it out?” and my personal favourite, “This is pathetic.

The free Wi-Fi in McDonald’s is better than this” are just a handful of the moans and groans that we hear on a daily basis about a service that costs our kids nothing and are under no obligation to use.

Like most people of a certain age, my IT knowledge begins and ends with TIOATIOA (Turn It Off And Turn It On Again). And like Brian Fantana says in Anchorman, 60 per cent of the time, it works every time.

If they want a fast, reliable broadband connection then they should do what everyone else does, find out next door’s password and piggyback theirs.

Anyway, away from internet wars daughter #1’s day of reckoning finally arrived last Sunday in the form of Race For Life at Lancaster University.

Her training regime consisted of lounging on the sofa prodding her mobile phone with the index finger on her right hand, while her mum pounded the streets in all weathers three times a week.

Guess who finished first, that’s right, her mum. By about five minutes. And daughter #1’s comment after this emotional occasion with more than 1,000 heroic ladies running, jogging and walking to raise money to beat cancer? “I’m NEVER doing that again.”