The top 20 gags this Christmas ...
A joke about the lack of Brussels sprouts in post-Brexit Christmas dinners has been revealed as the funniest gag in a competition to write the best modern festive cracker joke.
Puns about Jeremy Corbyn, Roy Hodgson and Sports Direct also make it into the top 10, as part of the poll of original material by TV comedy channel Gold.
Amateur comedians were challenged to write their own festive funnies for the competition, which were put to an anonymous public vote to reveal the winning gags.
The winning submission was from Laura McDon, who received a £1,500 holiday voucher.
The entry, polling 20% of the vote, reads: How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
Critic Bruce Dessau, who headed the judging panel, said: “One thing the British will always be good at is finding the funny side to almost any situation, and it’s no surprise that Brexit featured as one of the dominant topics of this year’s jokes.
“But it wasn’t all about the EU - there were lots of cracking gags, with this year’s news about Sports Direct, BHS and Bake Off also featuring in winning one-liners - all of which will hopefully get the Great British public laughing their socks off, as well as being the perfect way to launch the series of Christmas specials on Gold.”
Entries were submitted via Twitter and shortlisted by a panel of judges before being put to a public vote of 2,000 British adults.
Here are the top 20 entries:
How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes.
How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone.
I bought my mum Mary Berry’s cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood’s but he’d sold out.
What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU.
Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.
Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at the North Pole? He couldn’t get past Iceland.
Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed.
Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says. The Queen replies: ‘63 years. Yes, that is a lot.’
What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange.
What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful.
What’s the best advice you can give at the Ukip Christmas party? Avoid the punch.
Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold.
Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not.
Why can’t the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce.
I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
Why is Bob Dylan’s sleigh so quiet? Because it has Nobel.
Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie.
Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year? Theresa May.
Why can’t Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? Paul Hollywood took all the bread.