Who’s the Daddy?: Not all endings are happy when it comes to kids’ school shows

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Endings. All I can see are endings. And not happy ones either.

These endings have the raw emotion that script writers and novelists would sell their souls for, but it’s so sad that it’s hard to summon up the will to sit down and physically type it.

Parents with kids in Year 6 are feeling it right now. In the last few weeks you’ve been to their last ever sports day at primary school, had the last ever parents’ evening and now you’re steeling yourselves for the heartbreak of your child’s leavers’ assembly and show.

When daughter #1 left the comforting bosom of cuddly primary school to take up her place at the Steely-Eyed Hogwarts Academy for Overachieving Smart-Arses two years ago, during her leavers’ performance it was all I could do to stop myself from lying face down in the school hall and kicking and thumping the floor like those over-indulged toddlers you see in Asda when mummy can’t find a Coca-Cola bottle with their name on it.

Then after they’d finished their (genuinely funny) Dr Who skit, the teachers screened a montage of the kids as they made their way up the school. Reception class pictures, school trips, outward bound residentials, and set it to the sound of Take That’s ‘Never Forget’. ‘We’ve come so far...’ Lump. In. Throat. Tears. In. Eyes.

Now it’s daughter #2’s turn. Our baby. Oh, of course she’s ready to leave. Big fish, small pond and all that. It’s just that I’m not. Reception class in September 2006 feels like yesterday morning.

Along with her best friend she bagged the lead in the leavers’ production, picked up the script, did a rewrite and made it better.

The camcorder’s charged up, new discs have been found and bought and I’ll be there, trying to keep it all together and doing all I can not to look my wife in the eye because that will set us both off.

And nobody wants to see that.

Now I’ve been on the front row to see just about everything that’s worth watching.

Eric Cantona in his prime week after week and Cristiano Ronaldo grow from a geeky show pony to a sleek, muscle-bound force of nature. But they are small beer to the emotional fireworks of your child’s leavers’ performance at primary school. Take tissues. Lots of them.