Who’s the Daddy? column

Who's the Daddy?
Who's the Daddy?

I read the following piece of advice on Twitter, the internet’s equivalent of graffiti on a toilet wall in the roughest nightclub you’ve ever been.

And here it is. “You are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space. Fear nothing.”

Come to think of it, someone had taken the time to scribble that onto a toilet wall and then took a picture of it and posted it on the internet.

Either way, it’s sound advice.

Because me and the boss lucked out and bought a house in a nice bit of Lancaster for buttons a billion years ago, the graffiti round our way is charmingly and unflinchingly middle class.

One morning recently we awoke to the sight of dozens of spray painted red love hearts adorning garden walls, BT fibre optic boxes, bus shelters and energy efficient lamp posts. Oh the humanity.

And in the derelict former supercar showroom next to the Big Baps (ho ho) burger van on the A6 on the way out of Lancaster, some spotty youth has taken the time and trouble to daub the word Zeitgeist on a wall in foot-high letters.

Banksy, eat your heart out.

But going back to our toilet wall scribbler, they may have been onto something.

All the pointless stuff we worry about in our pointless little lives is, er, pointless. None of it really matters because unless you’re incredibly famous, 50 years after you die very few people will remember you ever existed.

Sorry to break it to you in such black and white terms, but there it is.

But there is some good news. Even though life is incredibly short and sometimes intolerably cruel it’s our duty to grab it by the balls, give them a little tweak now and again and make the most of it.

Enjoy your life because nobody else will enjoy it for you.

Those of us who have stared death in the face and lived to tell the tale usually do one of two things. We either crawl into our shell and never come out again or march out of our corner like Mike Tyson in his prime, ready to take on the world.

There goes the bell. Get your game face on.