Who’s The Daddy column

Heston Blumenthal.
Heston Blumenthal.

Cooking, it’s the new rock ‘n’ roll don’t you know.

Lost weekends in the mud and the filth of Glastonbury have been replaced by Hairy Bikers’ cookbooks and recipes for South Indian masala fish curry.

You’d think that with all the effort you put in slaving over a hot stove making cracking dinners full of fresh meat and vegetables that your kids would lap it up and ask for more.

Who am I kidding? Last Sunday we made what we assumed (wrongly) would be a well received lunch of roast potatoes cooked in 1 Cal Fry Light, sea salt and freshly ground black pepper with sweet potato, carrot and low fat cream cheese mash and chicken baked in olive oil. Om nom nom.

When we presented it to our children, daughter #1 said: “Awwww, can’t we just have normal food? Does it always have to be so Heston Blumenthal?”

If our daughters were allowed to eat McDonald’s for breakfast, KFC for lunch and Burger King for tea then that would be marvellous, in their eyes.

In point of fact the film Super Size Me where Morgan Spurlock ate nothing but McD’s for a month and was advised by a doctor part way through to stop because his diet was doing terrible things to his body, 10 years down the line the movie seems like some sort of aspirational wellness regime.

I have a question for the people of Lancaster who make dinner for their families every night. How many different meals can you cook without anyone whining like Concorde?

If I could be bothered to draw a Venn diagram of what everyone in our family eats without complaint I reckon the intersection would have nothing in it. Okay, maybe chips and dippy sauce.

Beautiful curries cooked from scratch with freshly chopped ginger, crushed cardamom pods, chillies, turmeric, cinnamon sticks, garam masala and coriander are greeted with the same facial expression from our kids as when they accidentally tread in what the greedier of our two cats has just yakked up.

The phrase “I’m not eating that” (pronounced with a silent s**t at the end) has been heard more than once after plonking the plate on a table accompanied by a grand “Ta dah!”