Two-day hike yet no moaning ‘on my team’

A hiker.
A hiker.

There’s only one thing worse than going on an enforced two-day hike in the countryside and that’s listening to someone who has just been on an enforced two-day hike in the countryside.

Daughter #1 did a practice run for her Duke of Edinburgh’s Award last weekend in England’s green and pleasant land, which is ironic because the Duke of Edinburgh and the family of Germans he married into owns most of it.

About two hours before we collected daughter #1 on Sunday afternoon the phone went. It was our eldest who said two things. 1. Her feet hurt. 2. Could she have a McDonald’s?

When we collected her after her 12-mile hike (we knew it was 12 miles because she told us 10 times within five minutes of getting into the car) she was tired and ratty. And her feet stank like a dead dog.

But she’d done it. Yomped for miles carrying a backpack which weighs more than she does, made camp, broke camp and yomped some more. And when I asked her if anybody moaned about the conditions she said: “Not on my team.” Natural. Born. Leader.

On the drive home I asked her what she wanted from McD’s. She said 20 chicken nug-nugs and a Coke; which she devoured in less than five minutes without yakking it up all over my back seat. Actually, I tell a lie, she had 18. Me and daughter #2 were graciously allowed one each.

Back home, once she’d washed a weekend’s worth of gunk off her, she was right as rain. If I’d marched around North Lancashire all weekend and slept on the floor in a freezing tent I’d be in bed til today.

Anyway, this Sunday marks an incredible milestone here at Who’s The Daddy Towers. Our youngest daughter becomes a teenager. That’s right. All my problems are just beginning.

We’re hoping and praying there’s not a Kevin The Teenager transformation around the time Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao take to the ring.

How the hell is our baby a teenager? When did that happen? Where did the last 13 years go? Can I have the time back? How did she get so tall so quick?

If anybody can answer these questions, please get in touch at the usual address.