John Halewood-Dodd column

John Halewood Dodd.
John Halewood Dodd.

Last week’s story about my escapades as a take-away delivery man seems to have paid dividends as I’ve since been called in to fill another role in that industry.

A good friend of mine, Nigel Hodgson the local Chippy magnate, has recently decided to expand his empire by purchasing another fish and chip shop on Scotforth Road.

Always wanting to have the best of equipment he has decided to totally refurbish with new gear throughout.

As such, the old range (that’s what we in the trade calling the thing that the fish and chips are cooked in) was redundant and up for sale.

A potential buyer from the Blackpool area agreed a price and came to collect it.

When he arrived he was of the Arthur Daley school of business as once everything had been dismantled, and some of it placed in the back of his removal van, he coolly announced that he only had half of the money but that his colleague would arrive later with the rest.

Obviously unhappy with this development and feeling something was ‘fishy’ Nigel decided that he needed some muscle to ensure he wasn’t about to be ripped off as Chummie from Blackpool had turned up with a few friends to help dismantle things.

Concerned that his face might also be dismantled if he began to remove the items that had already been placed in the van Nigel called me for back up.

At the drop of a fish-fryers hat myself and my mate, Paul ‘Mottzy’ Mortimer were there trying to look as menacing as possible.

Quite difficult when you’re only 5ft 7 and a half, but Mortzy did his best.

It was somewhat surreal standing outside a chippy late at night anticipating what would happen next.

I had visions of it all going off and me being whacked by a pickled egg between the eyes.

And of course, there was always the possibility of someone ‘battered.’

As it turned out my fears were unwarranted as old Arthur miraculously “found” the outstanding money in the glove box of his van.

Everyone was happy and I now have another string to my bow as an enforcer in chip shop disputes.