Who's the Daddy: 2020 could get even weirder

After a New Year’s Eve party, the boss said to me, “Thank God 2019’s over. This year can’t be as bad as the last one.” And 2020 replied, “Hold my beer and watch this.”

Saturday, 18th July 2020, 3:45 pm
Who is the Daddy

We thought we’d left deaths, hospitalisations and serious lower limb injury caused by 40mph sighthounds in the past. How wrong we were. Turns out 2019 was just the warm-up act for this year’s main headliner. The first inkling that something might be up was at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport one Sunday night in late February when we saw dozens of passengers in the departure lounge wearing face masks.

That was weird.

Back then, what feels like about 20 years ago, it was something you rarely saw. But from July 24, if you don’t wear one in a shop you could be fined £100. But not in a pub if you’re off your head on booze. Not sure why that is, you’d better ask the man who runs the country, Dominic Cummings.

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If you drew a Venn diagram of where we are right now, it would be where 1984, The Hunger Games, The Shining and The Thing all intersect.

And once the furlough scheme ends, the money dries up, and we’re back to mid-1980s levels of unemployment, with a second wave of coronavirus infections to follow in the autumn and winter, it’ll make those lazy, hazy lockdown days of April feel like a golden childhood memory.

If you’re still in work and haven’t been touched by Covid-19 then you are one of the lucky ones. Even if it feels like you’ve been treading water for four months, you’re a stone heavier and you’ve got hair like Worzel Gummidge as, even though your stylist is open for business, they’re fully booked until November.

Since university and sixth form were cancelled in March, our daughters have worked in a supermarket and at a school. They’re making the best of it but the joy and relief when they could finally meet up with their friends again was incredible.

I’ve no idea where we’ll be in a year’s time, and anyone who says they do is lying. But a second term for Trump and a war with China over 5G and Hong Kong seems a plausible plot twist after what we’ve seen so far this year.