An eerie hush descended on our house on Friday night when our daughters ran out of things to moan about.
Finally, after months of nagging, they wore down our resistance and we ditched our creaky old broadband for a shiny new one that actually works.
The final straw came a few weeks ago when our 14-year-old daughter presented an actual business case for fibre optic broadband while I was eating my tea and watching Sky Sports after a late shift at work.
The trouble was, annoying and precocious it may have been, it was impossible to argue down any of the arguments she made.
Our old broadband, which yours truly named MUFC, started playing up around the time the lamentable David Moyes arrived at Old Trafford with his dull, safety-first football which turned Manchester United from runaway champions and into a laughing stock in less than six months.
So every time our kids groaned: ‘Aw, MUFC’s rubbish’ when the internet switched itself off six times a night, it raised the hackles of someone who has lived and breathed all things United since 1980. Anyway, the big switch-over day finally arrived.
Like anyone of a certain age, technology terrifies me. All we want it to do is work perfectly as soon as we hit the on button. All that fiddly setting up is of no concern to us. So it was with great relief when my mobile pinged at work with a text from our eldest daughter which read: ‘Done the internet’. It took her less than five minutes to unbox, plug in and set up a piece of space-age technology a 14-year-old me in 1984 couldn’t have even imagined. Back then, if Manic Miner loaded first time onto a ZX Spectrum from a tape recorder we thought we were in business.
Then on Monday night I got a text from our new broadband company along the lines of, ‘Er, you’ve used 9/10ths of your 20GB monthly allowance in one weekend. Give us a call’.
Surely some mistake? Apparently not. With the shackles of wonky broadband off, our daughters had smashed the world record for internet usage and the bank of mum and dad had to upgrade so they can use it as often as they like.