Aasma Day column: mouth sizes?


We’ve all heard of shoe sizes, dress sizes and bra sizes… but did you know mouths came in actual sizes too?

I’m not talking about in a vague or general sense such as “mouths come in a variety of shapes and sizes” as apparently there is an actual scale reflecting how big your mouth is.

I kid you not – this nugget of information came straight from a medic’s (normal-sized) mouth.

This fascinating fact wasn’t revealed to me personally, but to one of my friends after she went into hospital for an op.

This wouldn’t have been as strange if my friend had actually gone into hospital for a procedure related to her mouth – but she didn’t.

Instead, the anaesthetist came to talk to her and carry out some pre-operative checks which included asking her if she had any fillings and asking her to open her mouth wide.

As she performed the latter, the doc remarked: “You’ve got a big mouth.”

My friend tittered as this wasn’t the first time she’d been told this. “No, no,” protested the anaesthetist.

“I mean you’ve actually got a clinically big mouth.”

He then proceeded to tell her there was a clinical scale of one to four when it came to mouths – and my dear friend’s fell into the biggest category.

My friend recovered well from her op, and then made the large mistake of telling us about her “clinically” large mouth.

Oh, how we laughed. And we haven’t stopped laughing since.

Especially since our friend made things worse for herself with a further confession that she always realised she had a larger mouth than most when she found she could fit her entire fist into it.

However much we begged her, she refused to show us her party trick.

Talk turned to celebrities with big mouths and our friend told us people had compared her to comedian Miranda Hart.

We then pondered which wide-mouthed celebrity our friend looked like most and she looked pretty chuffed when one of us said she looked like actress Julia Roberts.

She didn’t look quite so chuffed a few minutes later when inspiration struck me and I exclaimed: “I know who you remind me of!”

Who, she asked suspiciously with narrowed eyes.

“A muppet!” I told her.