Pointless host Richard Osman claims Lancaster University forensic scientist could help him commit the 'perfect murder'

Pointless host and author Richard Osman claims he could commit the "perfect murder" - and get away with it.
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Osman, 53, says he could draw on his experience as a crime writer to kill someone - and fool police or a jury.

'The Thursday Murder Club' novelist says his secret would be to leave false evidence and taking CCTV, phone records, DNA traces 'out of the equation'.

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He revealed his claim to be able to commit the perfect murder on his podcast 'The Rest Is Entertainment' with co-host journalist Marina Hyde – in which he also heaped praise on an ‘amazing’ Lancaster University professor..

Dame Sue Black and Richard Osman. Pictures: Jill Jennings and Getty.Dame Sue Black and Richard Osman. Pictures: Jill Jennings and Getty.
Dame Sue Black and Richard Osman. Pictures: Jill Jennings and Getty.

A viewer asked, "Richard, having written several best-selling crime novels, and being generally immersed in the crime genre for years, do you think you could commit the perfect murder - should the need arise?"

And Richard replied - 'honestly yes is my answer'.

He said: The way to commit the perfect murder is to assume you're going to get caught and to commit a murder in such a way that you will get away with it in court.

"For example, if you were to commit a murder and drop a glove that later on the prosecution asks you to try on in court, and it's too small for you, suddenly they go, "well, obviously he didn't do it."

Professor Dame Sue Black of Lancaster University. Picture: Jill JenningsProfessor Dame Sue Black of Lancaster University. Picture: Jill Jennings
Professor Dame Sue Black of Lancaster University. Picture: Jill Jennings
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"This is your big bit of evidence that I didn't do it. So, you would drop a glove that's slightly too small for you somewhere."

He cited fellow author Val McDermid and her friendship with Dame Professor Sue Black, a respected forensic anthropologist - stating that their relationship allows Val to incorporate new investigation techniques into her novels.

"When you write a crime novel, you have to find a murder that is difficult to solve, but then there's always a fatal flaw that means you can solve it," said Richard.

"Just do that, but without the fatal flaw. There are some brilliant technical consultants that most crime writers use.

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"Val McDermid is one of our finest crime writers with the most brilliant stuff, and she has a great relationship with this amazing woman called Dame Professor Sue Black at Lancaster University - she's a forensic scientist.

"Val will take Sue out for dinner, and she'll go, 'what are you working on, Sue?' and Sue will outline to her some new technique that forensic science has got.

"Val will go, 'hold on, but if I turn it on its head, I can get away with murder'.

"Sue was telling me one time that she told Val something, and Sue was about to go to a conference - something about human bones that she'd discovered.

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"She'd done a paper on it and was about to give her first ever speech about it - and then she read Val's new book, and it was a main bit of the plot.

"She was like, "I haven't even announced it yet, Val!"

"You talk to someone like Sue Black, who can give you various ways of getting away with murder - which is usually how to hide or obfuscate evidence, but it's working out the way that you can solve murder, which usually these days is CCTV, phone records, DNA traces and stuff like that.

"But once you take all those out of the equation, I think it's possible to commit the perfect murder - don't, by the way."

But fans can be reassured - as Richard confirmed that he isn't planning to put his ideas into practice any time soon.

"In the spirit of the question, you spend a lot of time thinking about how people solve murders in these books, and so the counter sight of that is how people try and get away with murders.

"I don't approve of murdering and I'm never going to commit one - I'll go on record as saying that.

"Being a crime writer makes you think a lot about how one would get away with murder - but I think by and large it's pretty hard to get away with one, because to be a murderer in the first place, something has to have gone wrong with your logical thinking.

"Unless you're an absolute psychopath, you wouldn't be in the place where you were able to think in that way.

"It's hard to get away with murder, but as an exercise, you could - I think in real life, it might be slightly harder."