Whoops aisle apocalypse over a bunch of vegetables

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We’ve all heard of supermarket wars, but I was always under the impression this meant rival stores battling it out to compete on price with the winners being the shoppers.

But now it seems store wars have been extended to fisticuffs in the aisles with people quarrelling over the last items on the shelves - and we’ve not even got to the busy festive or sales period.

I thought I’d heard it all when it came to rows over the most ridiculous things … until I heard the recent tale of the pensioner who assaulted another shopper in a supermarket in a brawl over a bag of CARROTS. A cantankerous 71-year-old ended up in court after he blocked a female shopper from getting to the carrots in a Morrison’s store in Sunderland.

When the woman asked if she could get to the carrots, he told her: “No you can’t, I’m getting carrots.”

The carrot cruncher, who walks with two sticks after a hip replacement, then added: “You’re not getting in front of me. No one is getting in front of me.”

The woman told the court how she then reached across and picked up a bunch of carrots - only for the grumpy old man to retaliate by pushing her in the chest and “boxing her ears” by hitting her around both sides of her head.

The old man denied her version of events and bizarrely said he pushed her three times in the forehead as self defence as he thought she might have “some kind of missile because I realise ladies carry a lot of merchandise in their bags.”

Unbelievable. Who knew us women all carried around dangerous weapons in our handbags?

My own handbag is constantly crammed with lots of junk and I often surprise myself with what I pull out - so maybe there is a missile lurking in there somewhere.

But even more importantly, who knew going shopping for your five a day could be such a dangerous mission?

I don’t think I dare look at a carrot again when I’m out shopping just in case someone else is already eyeing it up.

Whatever next - aubergines at dawn, egg pelting in the aisles or sword fighting with French baguettes?

As for Old Crotchety Carrots was ordered to pay £150 compensation, a £60 fine and a £20 surcharge as well as £600 court costs.

That could have bought him a lot of carrots for his trouble.