Who’s the Daddy? column

Catfish.
Catfish.
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How bad do the TV shows your teenage kids watch have to be to make you pine for the days of Blue’s Clues and Fimbles?

Just hearing the theme tune to Balamory these days is enough to make battle-hardened dads blink back tears.

Memories of being wide awake at 6.30am on a Sunday with your toddler while Archie the Inventor made toy cars out of empty yoghurt pots in his own castle have somehow been spun into gold with the passing of time.

And the Teletubbies, with their daily adventures that resembled the drug-addled dreams of the heavily sedated, start to make perfect sense.

Even when your kids graduated to Hannah Montana, iCarly and Good Luck Charlie, at least there was a point and generally a happy ending. But now, I’m not so sure.

Our Sky+ box is clogged up with dozens of episodes of a show called Catfish, where a pair of Ryan Giggs and Robin van Persie lookalikes criss-cross America to track down people on the internet who more often than not aren’t who they claim to be.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, here’s the plot of each and every show.

A gullible sap has fallen in love on the internet with what he/she thinks is an Amazonian twenty-something/up-and-coming rap star that they’ve never met or even spoken to, but in reality turns out to be a 400lb middle-aged man who lives with his mum/bored single mother starved of love and attention.

Ryan and Robin track these internet imposters down, often to their homes, and there’s a tense and awkward reveal moment when they come face to face with the person they’ve strung along for years.

So far nobody had been shot and killed during these stand-offs, but I fear it’s a matter of time before a heartbroken victim who can’t live with the shame pulls a gun and performs a one-man tribute to Pulp Fiction.

Our youngest daughter simply cannot get enough of this show. And I suppose, deep down, there’s a message to it; which is don’t believe everything you see on the internet.